Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
