i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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