just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I love having hate sex.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
