if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
