he thought i was a dude.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
