three words: i give head
three words: not that well
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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