u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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