He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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