Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
