we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
