Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
