I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
