# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
