So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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