I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
