I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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