yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
