My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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