she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
