I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
