i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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