so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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