Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
