Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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