You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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