I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
