I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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