She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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