It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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