I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
