My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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