I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
