My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
