2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
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