my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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