I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
