It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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