how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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