I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he fucked my hip out of place.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
