Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
