she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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