DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Say something about gay babies.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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