I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
