dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
