the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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