bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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