i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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