I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
