I'm really into asian looking animals
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
