Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I have tasted many bathrooms
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
