So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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