I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
