So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
