next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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